Alright, it’s been a hot minute since we last spoke. Forgive me but I am still settling into that Khaleeji life. I’ve been eating, drinking, and spending $5 on black coffee that would be $1.25 back home.

Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?

Last week, I had a last minute photo shoot and went to H&M… bought 4 things it came to $350. AT H & FUCKING M!

Thank god for return policies because there was nooooo way I was keeping that shit. The clothes did take a pretty picture tho, even if they were hand stitched by the hands of a Bangladeshi child slaving away in a factory that could crumble at any given second.

So, I decided to do a little list-icle about what I miss most about Canada, living at home, western civilization you get it. I’ve been here in Muscat for 1 month and I wouldn’t say I’m depressed but I have been known to hit a Baskin Robbins pint as of late.

If you are easily offended… I suggest you never come back here again. I’m literally sitting in a Grade 3. Science class with my earbuds in listening to Cardi B – Kodak Black …“little bitch you can’t fuck with me”. No shits given when the prayer call has woken me up at 4 am for the last two nights.

Let’s Do This:

1.Kraft Peanut Butter – Had to pay tribute to the OG. That stuff does not exist here so neither does my nightly spoon in jar tradition.

2.Dating Culture- okay I am once again single. It’s a long story, but not. Did you even know I was ever not single? I keep that stuff private and probably will continue doing so but for reference sake… I am kinda dabbling in the dating pool. AND LET ME TELL YOU. The options? LIMITED. LESS THAN LIMITED. THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST… of how low we are talking.

I am by no means proud to say I have been perusing Tinder but it’s not that uncommon in Oman or among expats in any new country. What I have noticed, observed, and maybe have been privy to myself is that the men here (expats or locals) are thirsty. Actually, scratch that. EVERYONE is thirsty. There is no such thing as casually seeing each other. People tend to meet a guy, see him every night from that day onward, and either end up ghosted and 45lbs heavier or converted and engaged 2 months later. #countmeout 

3..Moderate Weather – I left Canda because it’s fucking cold. I hate the cold. However, I am beginning to think that I might hate the constant fogging of my glasses even more. Every, damn time. I walk outside. Blinded. Hair stuck to my face. My pants stick to me in places I didn’t know existed. It’s so hot and wet and every time I see a local woman wearing her black garb, I get high anxiety that she’s just going to pass out in front of me.

4.Censorship OF STUPID SHIT – I refuse to watch even one movie in a cinema here and the blurring out of “Bacardi” in Swae-Lee’s Unforgettable is messing up my rhythm.

5.Driving – At the very best of times I have the driving skills of a 92-year-old… here? I refuse to find out what would happen. Before I left Edmonton I drove down to Calgary in a Lincoln Continental and it was pure luxe. Now, I am taking dirty taxis everywhere and paying $20 each time…. I really don’t want to have to get my own car BUT am struggling with the lack of independence. All I want is to drive a car that tells me when it’s time for a coffee break. Is that too much to ask? The Lincoln Continental also had 37 position massaging seats… that would feel good on any given day but here in Muscat? I COULD ONLY DREAM. #pureluxury

6. Friends.. Kinda – Two-ish years ago I wrote a popular post about the struggles of long-distance friendships. They are hard to maintain. People change. Friendships grow and then they don’t. I miss very few people back home…. I can count them on one hand. And two of those fingers belong to my kitties. The problem I have with making friends as an expat is similar to dating as an expat. You are forced to befriend people for the sake of keeping busy, sane, and not spending hours walking the mall alone wasting money and drinking extra – extra caramel macchiatos. Not because these are your actual people. Make sense? Don’t get me wrong there are a few people I have met that I absolutely enjoy spending time with but more often than not… after my stint here is done. I will never speak to them again.

7. Fashion – KUWAIT! I miss you and your Gucci sliders, Chanel boy- bags, Fendi sneakers, and Louis Vuitton sugar cubes ( not a joke)….. Oman is a bit behind. Unless everyone is decked out under their black robes…. the fashion scene here is LACKING. I am dying to spend money at the mall but seriously my options are limited to H&M, Forever 21, and Zara. Dubai is only 2 hours away so most people shop there but I’m not happy about it. I tried online shopping and couldn’t sleep for 3 days thinking my stuff would get lost in the mail.

8. Work – For the love of god all anyone can talk about is work. I have 23 hellions of my own to worry about… I don’t give two shits about your Abdullah and how he has the vocabulary of a Furby toy. I just don’t. This relates to number 6, where the “friends” you make may not have anything in common with you other than the fact you both work at the same shit hole.

Also, I have not had a real job for over a year… and going back to a 9-5? Shoot me.

9.Language Barrier – This is so obvious but I had to include it. Expat life means learning to be semi-fluent in broken- English, Arabic, and Tagalog. The struggle is real. Ordering food over the phone? Funny joke. However, at times it can be useful. Like yesterday, at the gym there was a hottie right in front of me curling in the mirror and I basically yelled at Alisha “ hey ‘leesh look he’s pretty hot” knowing very well that guy would have no idea what I was talking about.

So there you have it. Life as an expat is not all jet-setting and saving money. It’s waking up at 7 am to post Instagram photos, ordering Tom Ford online only to be charged $125 in customs charges, and then going out for coffee with a guy who can’t shut up about all the “models” he’s dated. Wallah.