Brah, Bro, Homie, Brother …. ever noticed how guys act as if every other man on earth is their best friend? Bro Code? What about Girl Code? I mean even Selena can’t get it right 😉
Last week my boyfriend was telling me how he’s made a new gym-friend. This guy just came up to him and startet chatting, albeit to make a nasty comment about slaying bitches, but nonetheless, the intention was there. Now they chit-chat whenever they see each other.
Never in my life has another woman come up to me at the gym and started a friendly conversation. it just hasn’t happened. What have I gotten at the gym? A girl and her friend giving me stink-eye, as I got out of a weird pull through movement, where my ass squeeze resembled a prune opposed to a juicy peach.
Where am I going with all of this?
I meet new women all the time in the blogosphere. Blog Her ’16 was a big one for being 97.7% female. I was nervous as hell because I know how women can be. There is a reason that we have a stereotype of hating each other, being jealous, and two-faced. When is the last time a guy was described as being a “two-faced bitch”?? I’m super conscious of how women treat each other. I was not nice in high school, I was guarded, sarcastic, I’d make fun of other girl’s clothes makeup, actions ALL OF THE TIME. Luckily, I’ve tried my best to outgrow that and try hard to remember we are on the same team. I’m not a saint by any means, but awareness is the first step.
When I think of my closest friends, I think of words of affirmation, kind gestures, honesty. I love my one friend who sticks up for a mutual friend whose boyfriend is an asshole, or the girl who I haven’t seen in ages DM me and say “Liz you are the prettiest”. Those are the women that are doing it right. Lifting each other up and not thinking that everything we do has to be a goddamn competition.
The last few female events I have attended have been the same old shit. Walking in and having not ONE person say Hi. NOT ONE! These were events where I was walking in blindly only knowing one or two people who would have been there. Why is it so hard for us to be kind to each other? Inviting? Welcoming? Why can’t women wake up before a social function and think “Maybe today I will meet someone who appreciates a weekly glass of Pinot followed by an overpriced latte just as much as I do!?” Get excited about meeting each other! Try it.
Last week I was at an event and it was coming to a close, There were about 6 of us local bloggers left in the room. The day had gone well and everyone had loosened up and I felt like I had made some great connections. I was leaving relatively happy and hopeful at making some new girlfriends.
Well…. one of the girls (yes I will refer to her as GIRL opposed to lady or woman) decided to loudly call and make dinner reservations for everyone in attendance minus one. Me.
Right in front of my face. How fucking mean. It took me back to 8th grade where another girl had done the same sort of thing by talking up her birthday party having left out my invite.
I’m at an age and place in my life where I like to think mean girls don’t bother me. Basically, I could throw down with Regina George and come out unscathed.
BUT this hurt, not because I was embarrassed or sad that I’d miss out on a yummy dinner. Nah.. I hurt for the other girls who have felt this before and maybe at the hand of the same girl. I hurt for the old me, the younger one who would have cried and thought about this insult for days. I hurt for women, who have a reputation of being horrible cunts to each other and say shit like #girlboss, “I’m with her” but then this stuff still happens.
WOMEN. BE NICE. STOP ACTING LIKE LITTLE INSECURE GIRLS. Can we at least have some sort of Girl Code where we treat each other properly? Can’t we cheer when one of us has a win instead of turning into the green eyed monster?
I could go on and on. There are more eloquent feminist writers who do such a better job on this topic. All I hope is that you say something sweet to another woman, that you introduce yourself at a function to the girl who is obviously awkward as hell, and that if you fuck up, which you will, you have the decency to admit it and apologize. If not, then we don’t have time for you. Respect the Girl Code.
Have you ever been victimized by Regina George? Or even better, tell me about a time another woman totally made your day!